The cornerstone of my mediation process is informed self-determination.
My belief and experience is that when two people are given sufficient information in an emotionally supportive environment, they will reach agreements that will be better, and more durable, than decisions made by lawyers or judges (or, for that matter, mediators!).
THE PROCESS
I will be your neutral navigator, in a structured but informal environment, through the process of separation/divorce.I’ll want to understand each of your goals and concerns -- what’s at stake for you -- and you’ll both commit to a transparent, full sharing of relevant information with each other. My goal is to empower you by demystifying the issues – I’ll answer your questions as clearly as possible, provide you with general legal information, share what people in similar circumstances have done, let you know your options, and facilitate your discussion of solutions.
Sometimes we bring in other professionals– consulting attorneys, divorce financial professionals, valuators, retirement experts, child specialists – to ensure that each of you has the right amount of support and information that you need to make good decisions.
Meanwhile, I will strive at all times to be attuned to your feelings, not for the therapeutic goal of self-actualization (although that’s always a good thing!) but for the mediation goal of reaching fair, thoughtful resolution. You may feel a wide range of emotions during a mediation, in varying degrees, sometimes very intensely.
I don’t brush these feelings under the rug, I see them as an opportunity. Often when people simply feel heard, and understood, barriers to reaching agreement dissolve. An impasse – where two people may be rigidly locked into seemingly irreconcilable positions – is not the end of a conversation, it’s the beginning of a calm and empathic inquiry, out of which ideas eventually emerge.
Sometimes we have to sit in the darkness for a while before light can emerge and with it, hope. As a photographer, sometimes I only notice something I captured in the frame hours after I take the shot. The point is that emotions don’t have to be an impediment to agreement – sometimes they are the very path to reaching agreement.
Once you have reached a resolution on all the issues, I can draft your Settlement Agreement as your neutral. Most of my clients have the Agreement reviewed by separate legal counsel before signing (I can provide you with names of mediation-friendly consulting attorneys). Depending on the circumstances, I may be able to prepare and file your uncontested divorce papers as well.
In mediation, this last part is really an administrative act, as you are only asking the court to grant you your divorce, not to make any other decisions.
you have already done that yourselves.
Mediation and Collaborative Law
Similarities and Differences
+ Process
Mediation and Collaborative Law
Non-adversarial divorce
Clients retain control over timing, pace, decisions
+ Attorney
Mediation
Clients may consult with attorneys during process; mediator provides legal information but not legal advice
Collaborative Law
Active role (as advocate, advisor, problem-solver), but always constructive and non-adversarial with other spouse and attorney
+ Advocacy
Mediation
Mediator neutrally advocates for both clients and for the process
Collaborative Law
Attorney articulates concerns of client
+Open Disclosure and Good-Faith Discussion
Mediation
All financial information voluntarily disclosed; all discussions conducted in good-faith with goal of fair and durable agreement
Collaborative Law
All financial information voluntarily disclosed; all discussions conducted in good-faith with goal of fair and durable agreement
+ Participants in Discussion
Mediation
Typically all conversations and correspondence are three-way; occasional two-way (always evenly balanced) caucusing may be useful
Collaborative Law
Combination of two-way(attorney-client and attorney-attorney) and four-way discussions
+ Cost
Mediation
Often less expensive than both collaborative and adversarial divorce. Hourly fee, no retainer. Costs involve mediation sessions, drafting fees; consulting/review attorneys; other neutral experts
Collaborative Law
Often less expensive than adversarial divorce. Hourly fee; retainer. Costs involve two- and four-way meetings; attorney drafting fees; other neutral experts (financial advisors, accountants, coaches)
+ Which process?
Mediation
May be best choice for:
People who can speak for themselves and who want to listen to their spouse's point of view.
People who can imagine sitting in three-way meetings without attorneys present and problem-solving with their spouse and the mediator.
People who can, and prefer to, make decisions for themselves regarding their divorce (with input from mediator, consulting attorneys and other neutral experts.)
May be a poor choice for:
People who believe that there will be dishonesty or deceit in the mediation process.
People who have concerns about significant power imbalances or physical violence that would make it hard to talk freely in mediation.
Collaborative Law
May be best choice for:
People who prefer a more active attorney role, but who do not want to incur financial and psychological cost of litigation.
People who can imagine sitting in four-way meetings with spouses and attorneys and problem-solving together.
People who can, and prefer to, make decisions for themselves regarding their divorce (with input from attorneys and other neutral experts.)
May be a poor choice for:
People who believe that there will be dishonesty or deceit in the collaborative law process.
People who might want the protection of a family court (domestic violence or other situation.)