The Path to Resolution

Think towards the future
This is an opportunity for constructive problem-solving, not time to rehash old grievances and re-open old wounds. Resist the desire for vengeance and promote yourself as someone who conducts relationships on the basis of honesty, fairness and respect. 

Balance your needs with those of the other person
Spend time considering what matters most to you, and make room to listen to, and wonder about, what the other person needs as well. Understanding the other person as a human being with feelings, dreams and ambitions of his or her own does not have to mean relinquishing what is important to you. Keep your mind open to all possible solutions that are generated. Remember that you are never compelled to agree to anything in mediation or collaborative law unless and until you are ready.

Keep communication open
Expressing anger and hurt can sometimes pave the way for constructive decision-making. But abuse, attack, or blame is counter-productive, and encourages defensive posturing and rigidity. By contrast, an atmosphere of respect promotes security, which often leads to take greater risk-taking -- the key to effective brain-storming and dispute resolution. Of course, we are all human, and if you go into in attack-defend mode, we will deal with it, and hopefully even discover within it an opportunity for moving the process forward.

Take care of yourself

Figuring out what you need, considering the needs of your spouse or partner, all the while keeping your cool without retaliating, can be a tall order. Take care of yourself and get support in whatever form suits you - friends, family, therapists or a long walk in the park. Major life changes such as divorce are times of greatest vulnerability (as well as possibility), so remember to be particularly kind to yourself right now.

Become informed
The more you can learn about the issues related to your divorce, the more efficient the process will be. Spend time reading and thinking about the parenting and financial issues involved. Consult with appropriate professionals, including attorneys, tax advisors, estate planners and child therapists so you can make informed, thoughtful decisions. 

Know which process is best for you
Does either mediation or collaborative law just seem like a better fit for you than the other? Or does it seem clear to you that even trying either of these options would not be appropriate for your situation? While I feel strongly that most disputes can effectively be resolved through either mediation or collaboration, I can provide a referral to a traditional matrimonial attorney as well. Of paramount importance is your knowledge of your options and your freedom to choose which path to take.

Talk to me
I am here to help you, and I encourage questions, comments and feedback, both positive and negative. If the goal is to keep dialogue as open between the two of you as possible, then I expect and appreciate the same.